"We'll find a way regardless To make some sense out of this mess"

Jordan has an MRI scan at OHSU and a meeting with the doctor that is coordinating her treatment on Thursday. It is hard to believe that it has been two months since the last time we headed there not knowing what to expect.

Jordan is currently in the middle of a five-day dose of chemo. Which means late night babbling (last night she called me Brooke (hey sister-in-law)) and a few extra bathroom breaks. Jordan has been losing some feeling in her left foot and hand. Her fine motor skills are pretty rough on their own but are especially bad on her left side right now. I like to scratch her right foot, ask her if she can feel it and when she responds yes, I fake scratch her left foot and ask her if she can feel it. I haven't been able to fool her yet but I will keep trying. Jordan's mom and I have been taking turns feeding her most of her meals. Feeding another person is a humbling experience. An exercise in patience and love. Jordan's speech seems to have stabilized over the last few weeks. At night it can be a bit rough and there is a difference for sure during her chemo doses. Jordan isn't experiencing any pain and is still able to rest and sleep well.

Overall we have spent the last two months trying to feel normal. Or maybe I should say making this our new normal. Plugging along the best we can each day. Keeping things simple, focusing on our family, clinging to the little things that are good and occasionally having those difficult conversations.

We might get some good/bad/great news on Thursday. We might get another "see you in two months" speech. We simply don't know. What we do know is that we made it to here.

There is a feature of the Oregon landscape that I never got in the South: the treeline. It occurs around 5000'-6000'. When you are out in the wilderness it just sort of happens. One minute you are in the trees and the next thing you know you aren't. The landscape changes completely in a matter of minutes. A great thing about being below the treeline is that it is usually easy to find which direction to go. A trail is typically cut, sometimes well traveled and in some cases blazed with markings on the trees. You can turn off your brain and just go. However, when you get above the treeline you don't have that luxury. Every direction is open to travel and the best path isn't always apparent. Thankfully there are cairns. Manmade piles of rocks delicately balanced on top of each other that are meant to be landmarks to those traveling along. Using what the barren landscape has given to mark a way for others.

A cairn on the trail to Mt. Defiance in the Gorge.

Such a relief to be able to find the next landmark on the trail.

I first came across these several years ago when I was traversing Mt. Hood on our first visit to Oregon. I quickly learned after wandering off the trail and busting my butt thinking that you could run on hard packed snow (silly southerner) how important these markers are. There is a technique and skill to navigating with cairns. I've found that to be successful it requires patience. It is a process of going from cairn to cairn. When standing at one cairn you have to survey the landscape to find the next one. Once found a straight line is not always the best approach. Sometimes you have to travel a bit and then reaccess all while keeping an eye on where you are going. Also, the right direction to go is usually up or at least over that one crazy looking section of rocks.

The trail is somewhere over there I think.

Of course, the weather doesn't always cooperate. Fog, rain and snow can kill your visibility. Sometimes you leave a cairn without seeing the next one. Before you know it you can't see the one you just left.

Another well-marked trail in Oregon.

It hit me this morning while I was running in the snow with terrible visibility that this is where Jordan and I are in our lives. We are living from MRI to MRI. Cairn to cairn. On Thursday we will stand sweaty, exhausted, beaten and relieved to have made it to the next cairn. It is tough to remember what the cairn we left two months ago looked like. It is even tougher to imagine what lies on the trail ahead. Because the visibility is so damn bad here.

-Brack-

Benton texted me this selfie from our local brewery.

The kids had a babysitter the other night and made her create a board game. These really are Jordan's kids.

I took Parker to the Daddy/Daughter Dance this weekend.

Any day skiing is better than no day skiing. Even if your buff freezes to your beard.

When everyone sleeps in Parker fixes her own breakfast. Goldfish, pepperoni and shredded cheese. Breakfast of champions!

Benton's favorite restaurant is Taco Bell. Good or bad parenting here?

Parker was all smiles after her ski lesson.