Sunday, November 19, 2017

"Life Support"

"Life Support" refers to any medical means for maintaining life, including procedures, devices, and medications. If you refuse life support, you will still get routine measures to keep you clean and comfortable...

As I was reading this to Jordan this morning I started breaking down a little. Two pages later I lost it. We both did. Section 3 Part A is a real tear-jerker. If you are looking for a little light reading to open up your Thanksgiving break I wouldn't recommend your spouse's Advance Directive. Or Power of Attorney forms. Sixteen pages of a legal mumbo jumbo snooze fest. Maybe just stick to the lighter stuff. You know something like those God-awful "Chicken Soup for the ____ Soul" books that your grandmother always has on her coffee table. Those would be a joy compared to the legal documents I've hopelessly sifted through this week.

In between legally binding documents I've also had the distinct pleasure of speaking with Jordan's medical providers then our insurance company then Jordan's medical providers then our insurance company again until they wear me down and I just give up.

The only movie not named Star Wars that I have seen more than twice is "A Christmas Story". There is a quote that I thought of this week: "in the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan." I've launched a few tapestries into the space above Mt. Hood this week. Hopefully, I don't crash into any of them skiing this winter.

One more completely ridiculous thing and I'll move on. Don't you just love it when you call a company you pay actual dollars to do business with and they have that damn Artificial Intelligence Siri Alexa rip off thing trying to interact with you? My father in law couldn't help but chuckle as I yelled REPRESENTATIVE over and over again into the phone.

Maybe just one more ridiculous thing... During one of my extremely long phone calls with the insurance company this week I was about to get somewhere. I was ready to ask the one question that was going to get the ball rolling. It was on the tip of my tongue (almost thirty minutes into the call) when the REPRESENTATIVE said: "Is Jordan there with you?". She then shut down the conversation immediately because she isn't allowed to go any further without getting consent from Jordan. I almost mic dropped the phone and wandered off into the wilderness to build a fort from sticks spending the rest of my days never speaking to another REPRESENTATIVE again. Instead, I gathered myself and walked home. I then got Jordan on the phone with the insurance company. First REPRESENTATIVE says: "Mam, mam, I can't understand you" (then the call magically got disconnected). Second REPRESENTATIVE says: "Mam I'm sorry but I'm having a really hard time understanding you. Can you speak more clearly?". I magically disconnected that call (I didn't like her tone). Third REPRESENTATIVE was the charm! She read Jordan a few sentences, Jordan mumbled "yes" and we were good to go. If good to go means they still weren't helpful. At least they can tell me that they aren't helpful moving forward without having to talk to Jordan first.

Scouting out locations for the stick fort with no cell phone reception.
Alright already... Onto more important, brighter, cuter and lovable things. Jordan and I have two wonderfully beautiful children. You already know this. This blog is basically just a way for people to look at them and think "Well they obviously didn't get their looks, brains or demeanor from Brack".

This week our children had Parent/Teacher Conferences. Both Benton and Parker's teachers took the time to visit our home to make the conferences easier for Jordan. What a small, but super thoughtful way to show that they care and are paying attention. Both teachers are just absolute world-class people. A sappy blog post couldn't even begin to capture how Jordan and I feel about them and how they have fully embraced our children. Benton and Parker's classrooms have been a rock for them. Something they can hold onto in this crazy storm. A place that is safe, fun and full of love. I get to spy on it all the time and it gets me teary-eyed on a regular basis. Then some kid usually says "Coach Hassell why do your eyes look like that?" and I typically think "Shouldn't you be in class? Keep it moving short stack!".

Watching my children grow into little people has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

Benton is one of the smartest kids I've ever been around. He has read more this year than I have in the last ten years. Most people know that though. What lots of people don't know or see on a regular basis is how gentle he is. He cares so much for others. He gives his jacket to his friend on the playground if they are cold. He stops to help his classmate pack up their bag at the end of the school day. He walks his sister down the stairs at night if she is scared. He gives himself. He loves hard. Benton has the gift of a big heart and what makes me so proud is he does it because that is who he is. Oh, and he is flat out just a funny person.


Seeing the curiosity that Parker has growing in her is so exciting. She is one of the most observant people I have ever met. She doesn't miss anything and has an incredible memory. We recently took a walk through our neighborhood by ourselves. She proceeded to point out fifteen things or so that I've never noticed. She also stopped and spoke to some strange cat that usually hisses at me. Then the cat let her pet it and she just kept right on talking and telling me all about this cat. I was blown away. She just casually floated through details like she had lived in our new neighborhood for years. Parker also likes to look at pictures. I'll catch her with some of our photo books under a blanket looking at our past family adventures. She asks questions. Crazy questions. She says whats on her mind and wonders aloud when you aren't on the same page as her. 

"I love you, but I'm mad Benton got a toy" was a letter Parker hand delivered to Nana after she got a purse as a present.
These are just small little glimpses into who my kids are. They are so much more. They will be so much more.

I took Benton and Parker to their family therapy appointment earlier this week. I sat in the lobby by myself for an hour (with no wifi and bad magazines) and just thought about my kids. I revisited the same thing that I can't stop thinking about. The same thing that choked me up while I was reading the Advance Directive to Jordan this morning. What is my family going to look like in a year?

10 comments:

  1. Brack and Jordan, I pray you know that your family extends to more than what you see inside the walls of your home! We love you guys dearly and are praying for you. Please let us know if we can do anything for you all

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  2. Still praying for you and the whole extended family

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  3. Brack, my thoughts and prayers are constantly filled with thoughts of the four of you.

    The song "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns came to mind with your previous post. It's sadder than a Chicken Soup for the Soul except, but I hope you find comfort in it.


    Hold it all together
    Everybody needs you strong
    But life hits you out of nowhere
    And barely leaves you holding on

    And when you're tired of fighting
    Chained by your control
    There's freedom in surrender
    Lay it down and let it go

    So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
    You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
    Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
    I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
    Just be held, just be held

    If your eyes are on the storm
    You'll wonder if I love you still
    But if your eyes are on the cross
    You'll know I always have and I always will

    And not a tear is wasted
    In time, you'll understand
    I'm painting beauty with the ashes
    Your life is in My hands

    Lift your hands, lift your eyes
    In the storm is where you'll find Me
    And where you are, I'll hold your heart
    I'll hold your heart
    Come to Me, find your rest
    In the arms of the God who won't let go

    Love y'all, LLB

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  4. I have a picture of your family sitting together, wrapped inside God's interlocking hands.

    I can't see individuals, I can't see facial expressions, but there is a weight over the scene of peace; a current strong enough to isolate storms; not ignoring them or hiding them but fixing them safely in place so you can breathe freely.

    It wraps you all in a sure knowledge that God is both deeply experiencing this with you, and that He is greater than it.

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  5. Many prayers keep coming your way!!!

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  6. You are the best Brack. I was thinking about y'all and Kim and Joe just now and wanted to see if you had a new post. The kids are precious. Thanks for sharing the pics. The area that you are in looks so magical.

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    1. And... please remember that I have you all in my thoughts and prayers!

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  7. I’ve never met you or your family. I am friends with the Smith family. I’ve read many of your posts and bawled through most of them. I am praying for all of you.

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  8. Brack, Ashley's f-in-l here again. Evidently, you allow just anyone to comment. You've got more comments on this post than I've gotten in 6 months.

    Anyway, I wanted to comment on the necessity of medical people (or sometimes financial people) needed to hear the voice of someone. I help my mother with these things sometimes and, while she is usually right there and can speak, I wonder sometimes what would happen if I were to just saymyself, 'This is Nancy.' or whatever. Would the operator bust me on my voice being the same?

    I've never had the guts to try it though . . .

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