Stay Gold Ponyboy!

Seeing Mt. Hood from our town is stunning. Words and crappy cell phone pictures can never do it justice. I regularly say things like "Holy crap I live here", "Look at that thing" and probably most often "Huh" (as I can't even muster up something that matches what is stirring around in me). If you haven't had that "huh life is stinking beautiful" moment in a while I feel sorry for you. Put down the phone, leave your keys on the counter and take a walk. You might not have Mt. Hood in your backyard but there are all kinds of amazing out there.

Mt. Hood was hiding for a while but it has been showing its face again. We had all the wildfire smoke, then we had some rain and now we have that glorious bit of fall weather starting up. It is fun when an 11,000-foot chunk of rock surprises you with its presence. The tease of fall has brought fresh snow on the mountain and incredible lighting (not lightning). The lines on the mountain and in the gorge are clean, crisp and full of contrast. The clouds are puffy and magical. The hills seem to come alive with this special glow in the late afternoon here. Everywhere I look outside is basically a Bob Ross painting.

On Monday morning I was rushing out of the house to get to a work meeting. I hopped in my car (a rarity here!!) and took off. As I rounded the corner the mountain was orange/red/yellow. You know that crazy color when the sun is just blasting something early in the morning before it really climbs above the horizon. It caught me off guard enough that I wanted to take a picture (I didn't care if it was going to make me late). I drove less than two minutes, pulled off the road and got out all excited only to look up to a perfectly normal mountain minus the glorious glow of the sun. I should have just stopped in the middle of the road when I had the chance! I drove off a little bummed that I wouldn't be able to show Jordan a crappy picture on my iPod that afternoon. Instead, I just stumbled through trying to explain how awesome it was.

I'm thankful to be in a place where the seasons actually change. It is the transition that gets me. A stark reminder that there aren't many things in life that are constant. Robert Frost wrote a short poem called Nothing Gold Can Stay. I love it because it is brief (who has the time to read a sonnet these days?), playful and powerful. It is his reflection on the necessary change that is constantly happening in nature.

I try to use the changing of the seasons as a way to prevent becoming stagnant. For several years I've recognized seasons in my own life and in those that have taken the time to share their lives with me. It is always comforting when you are in a season of joy or comfort to think that those things have grown and blossomed in your life. It is also comforting when you are hunkered down in a season of darkness and storms knowing that change is just around the corner. I'm not going to lie though. There is an uneasiness that comes with the changing of the seasons. I keep coming back to the word fleeting.

Our big season seems to be just stretching out and making itself comfortable on the couch of our lives. It seems to go on forever. Occasionally I wake up at night to help Jordan to the bathroom and I'm reminded that we are still in this season. For those few groggy seconds before my feet hit the floor at 3:00AM I've managed to forget only to be reminded again and again.

Within this long season, there have been these unseasonally weird weather days though. You know that warm day in February where you stink up your winter gear from sweat and forgot for a second what bone-chilling cold feels like. We have had lots of those days. Funny days, happy days, content days and carefree days. Sometimes it isn't even a day but a brief moment. It seems like these moments come into existence and dissolve right before my eyes. A continuous change of conditions. Exactly like the wind in the gorge (you have no idea until you have stood on the shore of the Columbia River).

Our next season begins on October 19th (no farmer's almanac needed). We have an appointment with the oncology department at OHSU to discuss the results of the MRI scan Jordan will receive on October 12th.

If you are traveling with us into this next season bring a good coat, an umbrella, some comfortable shoes and hell maybe even some sunscreen. The weather is crazy here...

September 19th was talk like a pirate day. We celebrated with a pirate themed joke day.

The support keeps pouring in from all over. Jordan loves getting her mail call every afternoon.

Two of our favorite cards from the last few weeks.

The mask Jordan wore for her treatments. She got to keep it as a memento. The kids have had fun with it!

When you finish 30 radiation treatments you get all the ice cream you want.

Hustlin' for the Hassells! Our school community organized a fundraiser during our back to school night. It was a family-friendly fitness boot camp. There was a great turnout and they raised over $1700 for our family!

Just another special day with our Parkdale Family. Feeling the love.

A friend helped our kids harvest all of our mutant squash in the backyard. The kiddos made signs for the neighborhood and made $20. Mostly off their cuteness and not the quality of our squash.

Not sure if Benton is going to be an entrepreneur or a hobo one day.

Crisp and beautiful day in the valley.

We are still picking fresh blueberries. Some of them are the size of a nickel and so stinking juicy.

I accidentally held a baby the other day. We were both surprised.

Always good times and brews at Solera!

Love that our kids are growing up with such close friends!

Then There Was One...

Twenty-nine treatments. Twenty-nine zaps. Twenty-nine trips to The Dalles. Twenty-nine times the doctor has attempted to shrink the one thing that has dominated our days. Twenty-nine brave days. Twenty-nine late nights contemplating life. Twenty-nine times we have leaned hard on you. Twenty-nine times we have broken a small paper chain that represents so much to us.

Today is day thirty of radiation (THE LAST DAY!!!!). We are thankful, we are anxious and most importantly we are alive for another day.

I'll leave you with a Michael Franti lyric that seems relevant to our weather the last few days and the mood of the hour. Come on y'all!

"I believe that what you sing to the clouds,

will rain upon you when your sun has gone away.

And I believe that what you dream to the moon,

will manifest before you rest another day.

So stay strong, and sleep long, and when you need to

let the morning take you out onto today, hey hey.

And when you find you're at the end of the road,

Just lift your head up, spread your wings and fly away, come on y'all!"

Laughter is the best medicine...

Jordan has been feeling better recently. Her platelets have returned to a normal level, her rash has gone away and her speech has improved some. The doctor even complimented her on being able to understand her more clearly last week. She is still off of her Chemo pills and will stay off for a few more weeks. Her energy levels still plummet though if the nap schedule is not adhered to and her hair is slowly falling out. Overall though the mood is still positive in the Hassell home.

Friday night Jordan surprised me for my birthday by taking me to see Jim Gaffigan. He is a comedian that finds the absurd in the everyday. A lighthearted guy that is just flat out likable. Jordan and I have been laughing at his stand-up bits since before we were married. He makes fun of himself in the best way, talks openly about his family and has ongoing material about hot pockets. What is not to love? Do yourself a favor and check him out on Netflix.

As we were settling in and getting ready for a night of laughter Jim Gaffigan opens up his set revealing that his wife recently had brain surgery to remove a large tumor. "Et, tu Gaffigan?" is all I could think. I mean we were here to escape our reality for a bit with some good clean comedy fun and BAM! The opening twenty minutes of the show was about a brain tumor. So for twenty solid minutes, we laughed harder than we have ever laughed about brain surgery, hospitals, tumors and doctors. He managed to take a topic that couldn't be any nearer to our lives and make it hilarious. It was an escape and a smack in the face all at the same time.

Ready for a little tumor comedy.

After the show we got Jordan tucked in on our friend's couch and I got to go to the airport to pick up our friends from GA. They planned an impromptu trip to come out and visit. It was great because we haven't seen these friends in years. We both have had children, changed careers and had all sorts of other life-changing nonsense happen since we last hung out. There is something magical about lifelong friends though. From the moment they stepped off the plane and we exchanged hugs it was like we picked up right where we left off. I sincerely hope that anyone reading this blog has at least one person like this in their lives. Jordan and I enjoyed reminiscing, laughing, catching up and just sharing life with these friends.

First stop in PDX was Voodoo Doughnut.

Don't worry I brought Jordan one back for breakfast.

Teaching our friend some Mucklehead.

If that wasn't awesome enough Jordan's childhood best friend and her mother are also currently here. So it is one big blast from the past this week! They are cooking up awesome meals (we had vegan tacos last night), helping with the kids, cleaning the house, laughing about the past and making up the beds like they do at the Holiday Inn Express. I'm talking no wrinkles, fluffed pillows and the sheet tucked in nice and tight. I'm getting spoiled.

We also continue to get yummy fresh fruit, food and treats from our local family. The other day I made a breakfast at the house entirely from local ingredients down to the fresh juice with a few blended up peaches in it. For the first time in our lives I'm thinking about buying a freezer just to store all the berries we have amassed this summer.

A truly local breakfast!

In other news, it finally rained here. A real rain. A take that wildfire rain/smoke rain. With the rain has come a few really cool days where all of a sudden I am aware of the fact that the sun is not hanging out as long as it normally does. I stepped out of my house this morning and took in a huge deep breath of cool, clean, wet and smoke-free air. It was glorious. A change of seasons is upon us here in Oregon. A new beauty awaits around the corner in the form of fall. I love being in a place where we seem to be so tightly connected to our weather.

Our kids doing the "no school dance" when they found out they had another day off of school because of the smoke.

Crazy smoke from the wildfires.

As fall creeps in so does the end of Jordan's radiation treatments. Thursday is her last appointment! We have been counting down the days here (the chain hanging on our wall is almost nonexistent) and realizing that we are approaching a new season in our own lives. I'm so glad to say goodbye to the season we are in. I'm thankful to be able to say that we survived today over and over again this summer. We have taken this season full of unexpected turns the only we know how. One day at a time.

A huge thank you to everyone that has shared the load of one of those days with us. We have survived this season because of all of the love and support from all of you. Thank you for walking with us as we enter our next season full of hope and free from fear.

Two Jumper Cables Walk Into a Bar...

Jordan has a great sense of humor and has always appreciated a good joke. I love jokes too. A good one liner, knock knock jokes, wordplay, irony. We love em all. Laughter has saved our marriage more times than I can count.

There is only one real problem when it comes to our love of jokes. I have a terrible memory. I've never been able to remember sequencing, setups or even a plot to a good joke. I used to be that guy at the awkward social adult gathering thing that would lead in with "Did you hear the one about...?" immediately launching into the punch line and ruining the joke. I eventually abandoned this laughterless path for pure observational humor and embellishment. Sometimes knowing your weaknesses are just as important as knowing your strengths in life.

There is hope in the Hassell family though. Our son Benton has the memory I've always wanted. He has an ever growing list of jokes tucked away somewhere in that giant brain of his. He is going to be that guy in your family that keeps pulling quarters out of everyone's ears and always has a topical joke. He is going to be a great uncle one day.

Today we had some friends and co-workers come over for the first installment of Jokes With Jordan. A small crowd gathered in the pleasant, shady, breezy and smokeless (for now) backyard. We all took turns sharing jokes. It was simple. It was playful. It was special.



Most of the jokes brought out at least a smile from the crowd. Some even genuinely made Jordan laugh. I already forgot those even though at the time I was trying terribly hard to remember. Fortunately, everyone wrote their jokes on a note card to leave behind with us. Our daughter Parker even helped deliver a joke with her teacher.

The brief time in the backyard was a nice break for us. It feels good to laugh and poke fun at things with those that you care about. Sometimes the scale of life is out of balance and it is amazing what a little humor can do to even things out.

We genuinely appreciate everyone out there (in our literal and figurative backyard) that has taken the time to laugh with us recently. Laughter has always been something that Jordan and I have loved. It has been great to see our relationships with others continuing to be filled with the thing we love so much.

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

The Jerk is one of my all time favorite movies. Steve Martin is an absolute genius and has always been funny to me. He is intelligent and funny with just the right amount of goofball. I remember watching reruns of SNL and seeing Two Wild and Crazy Guys as a young kid. The guy is even a talented musician and can shred on the banjo. His character Navin R. Johnson in The Jerk is hilarious right from the opening scene (the title of this blog is a quote from The Jerk for those confused). I'm smiling right now just thinking about scenes from that movie. 

Earlier this week Jordan made me think about The Jerk. I was getting frustrated with her because I was trying to get her from point A to point B in the house. I was attempting to move quickly because I had something else on my mind that needed to be taken care of. As I was growing more impatient Jordan just seemed to enter super slow mo, taking her sweet time thoughtfully considering every item she might possibly need for her journey from the bed to the living room chair (a staggering twenty three foot journey). I was gathering an eyepatch, a pillow, a brush, a missing phone (a daily theme at our house) and hand sanitizer. These are just the items I can remember off the top of my head. As Jordan listed off the items she kept saying "that's all I need" right before remembering something else. I quickly went from frustrated to chuckling as I remembered this scene. A hopeless Steve Martin at his lowest point clinging to seemingly meaningless things. Grasping for a chair, a paddle game and a remote control as he realizes life has come to a screeching halt. I related in my own silly way realizing that whatever it was I was in a hurry to get to was completely meaningless. Jordan reminding me again that what mattered was right in front of me.

Jordan has had an interesting week health wise. She has been absolutely exhausted. Each Monday after her treatment she has her blood drawn to monitor her blood cell count. We got a call this week from the doctor notifying us that her platelets were low. Nothing super concerning (yet) but something to keep an eye on in the future. Jordan also started shedding more than a Siberian Husky during an Arizona summer. She has begun losing her hair in the spots where the radiation enters her body. The good news is that those spots will shift next week. The doctor is hopeful that she will be able to keep her hair for now. A rash also sprung up this week on her neck. It quickly spread to her back. We covered it in various lotions and I found myself lightly scratching her back lots this week. Two doctors determined that this was probably from the Chemo and not the Radiation. As a result, we are currently halting the Chemo until Monday to give the rash a chance to heal. It has gotten much better in only two days and we are hopeful that it will be gone in a few more days. Our goal this weekend is for Jordan to stay at home as much as possible in order to rest and recover from all these things. We did a pretty good job with that today. Jordan has been nauseous all day though. We are hopeful that she will feel better tomorrow because we had apples, blueberries, raspberries, pears, zucchini bread and blueberry cake all dropped off today by various friends!

My mom was here all week. She took Jordan to treatment each day and by the end of the week was getting Jordan around like a pro. It was a stressful week with the kids starting school and with me officially starting work. It was great to have her around helping out and to have her share those first few days of school with the kids. She also got to experience the effects of the local wild fire. As the temperature continued to get hotter, the smoke also worsened. We were suffering here at the house with all the windows closed and no AC. Fortunately, a co-worker saved us by giving us a portable AC unit. He had just had central air put into his house the day I was complaining to him about how gross it was in our house. So for the next few nights, my mom slept on the couch with the kids on the floor (on their mattresses) and us in the bedroom. We closed off those two rooms and had the AC at full blast. It was an absolute lifesaver.

My mom got to see first hand the people that have meant so much to us while she was here. At the end of the week, she shared that it was both amazing and a relief to see how so many people have embraced us here. My mom had to leave a day early (on her birthday) because of Hurrican Irma. Her original flight was canceled but she was able to catch a different one just in time to escape the smoke of Oregon and beat the rain/wind of Hurrican Irma to her home in Orlando. Everyone here (including my mom) seemed to take it in stride as we have all learned that each day is going to hold its own unique adventures. We also leaned on our community and immediately found help making the trip to the airport happen even though the interstate was closed due to the fire. My mom left our house super clean/tidy and reminded me of where I get that from. Jordan, the kids and I are thankful that she was able to spend time with us and experience the love of our Oregon family.

Benton and Parker had a great first week of school. They both love Parkdale, their teachers and their friends. I love being in the building with them and getting to see them in that environment. Each time I saw Parker this week she just had this huge grin on her face. Like she was about to explode with excitement. Benton's teacher shared with me at the end of the week that during their morning class meeting Benton opened up to his classmates about Jordan's tumor. He shared that he was worried about his mom. His classmates were very supportive. I'm so thankful that he has a place outside of our home where he feels like he can truly be himself and that he feels safe enough to share how he is feeling. That means the world to me.

First day of school!

Busting at the seams with excitement!

Jordan asked Benton to bring her an eyepatch. He came stumbling into the room saying "How many do you need?"

The literal smoke cleared up late yesterday afternoon and the temperature dropped to an enjoyable seventy-two. We were able to unplug the AC and get those windows back open. It felt good to feel the fresh air in our house again and to enjoy a drink on the back porch. As I woke up this morning I heard lawn mowers, birds (the birds are big and loud in OR) and people enjoying being outside. It almost felt like that first day of warm weather here when you emerge out of your cave and there isn't snow on the ground anymore. I stayed outside as much as possible. There were tons of kids in and out of our house today. At one point there were six kids running in and out of our house this afternoon. It was nice to see all the smiles and listen to the laughter. I'm just avoiding going upstairs to the kid's room because I know it is going to look like a grenade went off up there.

Cheers to tomorrow's adventure!

I Got 99 Problems...

Twas the night before school... Pretty much all the creatures are stirring here.

Lots going on in the Gorge and at the Hassell house since we last checked in. I can't guarantee that any of the following is in chronological order as it has been a wild final week of summer.

When we landed in Oregon last year our family was immediately embraced by our new school community at Parkdale. I have talked lots about this special group of people this summer. Last week they decided to take things to another level. After a day of pre-planning, twenty of our co-workers crowded into our living room and formed a large circle. They embraced our children, laughed, almost cried a few times and shared lots of encouragement. As the group shared I was having a hard time holding it together. Thankfully Jordan spoke up for us and shared because I don't think I would have been able to. It sure is easier to sit behind a computer and type out your emotions. My MacBook doesn't care if I cry as long as I keep it off the keyboard. So I'll share now what was bubbling up in me while I was standing there.

From day one I have been appreciative of how the Parkdale community accepted my whole family. This summer has only led to an even deeper sense of appreciation. I have gotten to know so many of my co-workers in a different way. A beautiful way. A way that only makes sense when you have shared a life changing moment with someone. A way that reveals itself when you see someone being gentle with your children or thoughtful with what they are doing for your wife. I just kept thinking about the word deep while I was listening to everyone. They have all found a way to go deep with us this summer.

A room full of love and positive vibes from our Parkdale Elementary family.

The awesome basket of encouragement left behind.

The kind gestures keep pouring in from far away too! We are continually receiving packages, notes and letters filled with all kinds of encouragement and goodies.

Our friends from HI sent us an Instant Pot!

Some sweet new shades from some friends. Corey Hart would be proud.

We spent a some of our last summer weekend in Portland partying it up with friends from all over. Friends came in from Seattle and Bend and we got to spend some quality time laughing and catching up with everyone. We went out for lunch and basically took up a city block with all our children (and a dog).

The party spilled out into the street.

One hell of a kid's table!

Always appreciative when the company is as good as the food.

So happy that our kids got to spend time with friends from Seattle (formerly GA).

The house we stayed at has some treacherous steps if you are in a wheelchair or have had too much to drink at the dive bar up the street (walking distance). So our awesome friend built a ramp. I was giving him a hard time about it not being up to ADA standards and he shared that this ramp was built "for fun" not for standards.

The fun ramp in action.

On Saturday evening after hanging out in Portland we picked up my Mom from the airport. On our way back through the Gorge, something wasn't right. The night sky was hazy and we could see a small red glow over the ridgeline. When we returned home we learned that a fire had started on Saturday afternoon in the Gorge. Our home that is about forty-five minutes away smelled like a campfire. For the first time since moving in, we had to close all of our windows and doors. We spent a hot and stuffy evening in the house. The next day we decided to drive about an hour, grab a hotel with AC (and an indoor pool) to get some relief. On our way, we stopped by the elementary school in Cascade Locks that I teach at (I'm so awesome I teach at two locations). The fire was within a half mile of the town. The next day we stopped in again on our way back home. The town was filled with fire trucks from all over the state and smoke seemed to be blanketing everything. The sun was blood red and it felt like you were staring through a bad Instagram filter. Another twist and turn in this summer that seems to be just out of reach of my own will and control.

The view from Cascade Locks Elementary on Sunday and Monday.

We returned home to a warm house that no longer smelled like a fire. Closing up the windows and doors felt so odd in our home that has been so open to the summer weather and friends since moving in. By the end of the day, we had caved and opened up some windows even though it was a bit smokey outside.

As I write this I am sitting in the cool dark air on my back porch. It is the day before school starts and this summer has been one crazy adventure. I don't know how to neatly sum up this season or that I even need to. I have a heavy heart not only for my own family but also for the families in Cascade Locks that are worried about their homes, their safety and their children (my students). There doesn't seem to be a neat bow to put on this season.

Parker has been marching around the last several days and just declaring randomly that she is SO EXCITED TO BE STARTING SCHOOL. I choose to be excited too. I share in that excitement because I know this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I'm excited for all the beautiful moments that I will get to share with my students/co-workers and for all the things I will learn this year.

I'll leave you with a quote I came across this summer from Rumi. He was a mystic poet from another world and another time. Don't worry I wasn't reading thirteenth-century poetry in my spare time. It was in another book I was reading.

"Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground"

My favorite picture from this summer! Cherry juice, raw energy and a beautiful backyard (with a little dead grass).